October 18, 2016

Dear General Washington,

While pleased with the extension of suffrage to all citizens of competent age, I am convinced that age should not be the only measure of competence in modern America.

This Tuesday last, I visited a grocer’s establishment in search of clabber, hominy and molasses for my morning breakfasting. This horror presented a self-evident truth: while I have formerly proposed that landowners exclusively be granted voting rights, due not to their superiority but to their inherent influence over subjects, citizens of today are unduly influenced by a different breed of masters, drawn en masse towards self-destruction, like whales drawn towards a barren stretch of sand. With the aid of Providence, I discovered molasses that afternoon.  But I grew dizzy from color and rows of Franken berries and I exited still wanting of hominy and clabber.

Despite this conspicuous environment of manipulation, I do not propose that suffrage in modern America be extended only to commercial masters. But nor should it be extended so universally to include those so complacent under their subjugation. Rather, it should be extended only to citizens of competent mind who have procured, or demonstrated the means to procure, the requisite tools to navigate an environment that relies so conspicuously upon willful ignorance.

I therefore, after careful consult with cultural influencers, fellow commuters on the N train, and an astute radio caller from Westport, propose the following examination of willful ignorance; submitting to His Excellency the Commander-in-Chief, to be published under his own authority in General Orders, requiring the sanction and authority of the committee of Congress:

Examination of Degree of Willful Ignorance for the Right of Individual Suffrage

Question 1:

Are you registered to vote?

Question 2:

If No to question 1, are you a registered Pokemon GO user?

Question 3:

Was it your child who jumped into Harambe’s cage?

Heretofore I have not composed a more comprehensive examination, though I propose the current draft be disseminated with haste.

Your obedient and humble servant,

Alexander Hamilton

p.s. I welcome additions to the Examination of Degree of Willful Ignorance for the Right of Individual Suffrage by your Excellency.