April 30, 2017
Dear Mr. Hamilton,
I was pleased by the favor of your visit, your fine letter and demonstrated flocabulary. And as you remain to me a source of great pride and affection and as we have heretofore been allied upon much travail, I would not wish to conceal my prevailing sentiment from you. Thus, I am obliged to respectfully decline your request to resume the position as my aide.
Indeed, L’Adrian possesses foibles. He has concealed from me not only his profane ciphering but as well his web searching history and during Holy Week, a sizable inventory of colored marshmallow rabbits beneath his cot. But I have learned to forgive his vices as he demonstrates great virtues of resource in this modern world, earning the respect of the men and an abundance of reward points with a variety of merchants.
I concur with you that our republic is replete in ignorance. Rather than an excuse however to seek out and employ only the competent among us, in my judgment we are presented with an opportunity to educate the great number among us. My army thus wars against the disagreeable effects of modern life with the same aggression with which we once defended against the pox. I am pleased that after so many months they have arrived at that tremendous moment in maturation whereby they are motivated not by a lash of the tongue, but by the manifest virtue of their labors. They gain not from blogs or postings, but from experience, and gaze upon themselves only when imbibing in the waters of the Housatonic River.
Our coop of Dominique hens holds now over one hundred and from my vantage at camp, our fields of buckwheat and vetch follow for several hundred yards, a great arc bending across the horizon as if foretelling of a rural revolution.
I have beseeched the men—and women, to employ America’s greatest resource—manure, to spread wide the tremendous abundance of fecal rubbish across the landscape so that a harvest of nutrient and knowledge may sprout from its decay. My instructions on resourcefulness are now so well heeded that they waste not even their own ordure; the most regular among them bravely traverse the Connecticut river valley to the Open BioDome of the Commonwealth, making deposits that fund our efforts. Our newest conscripts, dismissed from a sporting network of ill repute, carry with them a great volume that I trust they too will contribute.
I am pleased that you have adapted to modern life for the purposes of survival, and have found Uber clients. But there is no greater evidence of assimilation today than the assumption of a position that at once subjugates you and provides the illusion of freedom. Though I do not require your services as my aide, I therefore welcome your future attendance at camp. We shall be tending to our fields, and to our natural state. It is not the mother of all bombs that will destroy us, but mother earth.
