May 10, 2016

Dear Mr. Jefferson:

My proposition is that your Francophile affections be placed so as to reside in your fundament where they will receive adequate ventilation and moisture. With that awkward act concluded, I suggest that as dedicated servants of this great Union, we call on as many great minds as we may manage to engage in an investigation of not just this report but the institutions and cultures from which it was birthed.

Mr. Goodell and Mr. Wells, though half-wits each, together somehow do not produce a single wit. If mankind or a constituted body within can submit to be governed by such folly, what other pudding-headed prats may later gain influence? Have you seen the republican debates?

I concur with your sentiments on the fragile position of our country and our shared obligation to illuminate injustice for even those most willfully abstracted.

And after so many nights reading in my chamber, my dear Abigail warm beside me, imbibing only in cider and wine, I tremble in the discoverance of a truth in that great mass of fecal pages that constitute Mr. Wells’ report: this case is but a grim metaphor for the insidious malignancy of power and moneyed interests obligated to consume, and thus too that must ensure the people’s consumption. The devoted interest is too immense to not mandate control over every investigation however conceived, every decision however piddling, every word however inspired, every color of sporting shoe, and every inch of pressurized air.

This game of football is, with its rules and savagery, perhaps most vulnerable to infection by what you rightly call the scourge of our nation. You ask how we remedy that scourge. Of course the answer is multiple but can only be drawn from one denominator: light.

I imagine you would have little trouble relaying these concerns of moneyed interests to our dear Mr. Hamilton? Please send him my regards. And as I know of no other creature living or dead more capable of inspiring allegiance, I shall thus call upon our esteemed General with haste.

Days of tranquility are the wishes I tender you with my affectionate respects,

John Adams