September 13, 2016

Dear Abigail,

I have decided that life in America is too full of anxiety to be estranged as women. Your communication can still give me the greatest comfort and I find myself in much need of it. You surely know that James and I have parted for now and I am lost and confused as much as I am invigorated with wonder. He was so filled with lamentations and I am so filled with life! And I find that there are so many women like me! Will thus my dear Mrs. Adams peruse a few lines from her friend and provide her best advices?

I occasioned a splendid party this Sunday last upon the advent of the football season, though so many hours passed before selecting the proper clothings and fare to make a suitable presentation. There are too many delightful items on Pinterest to make a proper choice and so many delicacies of pumpkin and spice that I suffered greatly from a bilious stomach and spent the morning dizzy and fastened to my bed. I did finally choose sauced chicken wings and a Hispanic dip of cheeses and received many compliments because of it. To the engagement I donned a Cam Newton jersey tailored to my petite frame, made of a waxen blended fabric and was charmed to see so many men at the party also labeled with the surnames of other men, as though they may have taken them as their own. Are you as well pleased as I by the progress and liberty of homosexuals in today’s America?

I found the engagement, to my surprise, a most agreeable one—many ladies joined in my regret that you were not with us. I feared the men particularly may have tired of my ignorance of the game, but as always much can be gained in this world from simple enthusiasm and a careful wardrobe.

My bad pen & want of ink I offer as an excuse for the worst of writing—and so too my haste to an event of Miss LulaRoe so I bid adieu. I am in want of employment and have been promised money rewards and fabulous colored stockings.

Write me with your advices and be assured of our renewed friendship in this life.

Dolley Madison

p.s. Please give Mr. Revere my regards. I so desire a tete-a-tete but perhaps he would partake in these FaceChats or Grinders that I hear so often discussed. But is there really anything in life so intimate as a letter?