October 4, 2016

Dear Mr. Adams,

Attempts to infiltrate General Washington’s army have met failure. His soldiers are increasingly formidable and heavily-armed. They are in some cases, bedazzled.

Mr. Grossman, an apparent Aide de Camp of African descent, intercepted my approach and denied my request for a rendezvous with the General. He denied as well any approach through today’s favored electrical methods. The army, he declared with great fervent, was off the grid. I offered to be of assistance in locating the grid, noting that I had heretofore served as a lieutenant colonel and commander under General Washington, and was a competent surveyor, but the Aide was unmoved. He ridiculed me with a great flood of profanities not fit for this correspondence.

I left Mr. Grossman instead a note to carry to the General. I hope thus for a swift reply, and have enclosed it as well for your reading as I trust you are as well attempting to steer our General from a fateful disaster.

With sincere respect & attachment I remain dear Sir, your obedient servant,

Alexander Hamilton

p.s. Upon my retreat, I observed a hold of approximately one dozen prisoners, chained and being prodded by Mr. Grossman. They appeared to be jesters or clowns. By their countenance they were very sad.  One was unmasked and unmistakable as Mr. Matt Lauer.