November 1, 2016

Dear Mr. Adams,

While displeased to be at present suffering from a bit of gout, I am pleased to have found a new and befitting home. All of Paris Hotel and Casino-Las Vegas is a school, master Adams. One need only to avail himself of the lessons and imbibe in Cialis for daily use. As in the darkness all cats are grey, an old woman and a young one are impossible to tell apart below the girdle and thus the brilliant electricity of this fine city illuminates all but my boudoir.

I am in comfortable repose now in the chamber of my 14th floor suite. The curtains are drawn open at the expanse of light and teeming crowds before me. I desire another air bath to rid my body and soul of gathered filth, though I have learned to keep the lights dim and my instrument covered with linen. Even a wrinkled whore pipe can be illuminated under the bright lights of the city and YouTube if one is unfortunate enough to reside along the route of a city bus tour.

Must our countrymen witness the rise and fall of every Weiner and wiener? If there is so much illumination in America, so much transparency, should we not as well widen the aperture for tolerance in our minds? How much of modern communication advances us if it so too exposes us?

In my own defense of liberty and security, I have procured a drone to reciprocate the habit of peeping and peering and I have embraced a life lived fully and faithfully on the grid. I made modifications to my virtual headset, and can now engage in corporal enjoyment with Helen Mirren at a variety of national parks, with flute and harpsichord accompaniment.

In general, all goes well here. Please provide my respects to Mrs. Adams. As the days darken, our countenances shall brighten as I am with esteem and respect, Sir, your more humble and obedient servant,

Benjamin Franklin

P.s. In your legal judgment, if my virtual headset were compromised, would I be subject to charges on Ms. Mirren? I pray any jury of peers would judge Ms. Mirren’s virtual conduct to be wholly consensual.